In relationships (any and all), I sometimes, perhaps often, have the experience of walking on thin ice: the knowledge of danger close at hand, looming beneath our feet. Regardless of just having used the words ‘our feet’ though, my experience is more often that I feel danger beneath MY feet. I’m stuck looking at the ground, paralyzed, and fearful. And as I get caught in the fear, I start to work myself up, now I’m panicing, and I start to generate heat. Now, oh god, the ice is getting thinner. And now I redirect my attention to my relation.
Aha! here is someone who can receive all my fear and anger. It was them who got us into this situation in the first place. Meanwhile, they’re scared too, and starting to send sparks my way. The more we heat up, the more danger we’re in, and we forget the key thing: that we’re in it together.
In this metaphor, the thickness of the ice is what we call in the Household As Ecology the Commons of Goodwill. When the ice is thick, we can feel safe together, and the situation is calm and cool, with lots of shared understanding and empathy. However, the danger of taking actions that thin the ice, or even, terrifyingly, break through it entirely, is ever present. Trust is also a word that comes to mind.
Paradoxically, the moment when we most need to feel ‘in it together’ is the moment when the ice is thinnest. Because the reality is, if the thin ice you stand on together breaks for one of you, you’ll both be plunging into that icy water.
And so here in the Household As Ecology we practice staying cool, collected, and maintaining connection and empathy, in moments where we feel on thin ice together. It’s in this way, that for the two years that I’ve been here, I’ve experienced almost solely the thickening of the commons of goodwill. As an ecosystem, it’s in this way that you generate resilience. Your relationships develop thick ice, where there’s the leeway to make mistakes.
The commons of goodwill, like any commons, flourishes when people give their attention and intention to its development. I believe that it is a key foundation for any living situation to thrive, and in the larger picture, will be required on a scaled-up basis, to keep humanity from the icy depths it rides so thinly above on the ice now.
And it doesn’t look good with this record heat.
Written by: Connor (cross-posted from a place that I'm excited to reveal soon!)
Showing posts with label yoga of relating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yoga of relating. Show all posts
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Monday, June 6, 2011
June 6
One helluva house meeting tonight. Noticing that I still feel slightly rattled emotionally by it, but okay intellectually. What looks like confusion can turn out to be co-intelligence. I like what Adam said about us engaging in 'deep learning'. And the radiance that we have within us when we go deep. I truly believe that humans are very deep beings. During our meetings it never ceases to amaze me the things that it's ok to share there. We are really developing the capacity to communicate and reveal almost anything, regardless of how challenging it might be to say, or for others to hear. There are other relationships where I'd like to nurture this capacity.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
5 minute thoughts: June 1, Day 1
Straight to what I learned today. I learned how to better organize myself in the future for going to public lecture events.
1. print tickets well ahead of time
2. know location
Freeman Dyson was fascinating, a man of such historical influence in roughly the last 100 years. Take away thoughts: WW2->Japanese didn't surrender because of bombs, but because of Russians. Human genome differs from all other animals mainly in two genes: one develops brain functions, other wrist and thumb. HAR-1, HAR-2 (Human Accelerated Region). Differ between space tech which collects data and that which sends humans into space (destiny).
-> Apply your strengths, enjoy life.
Talk with Jean after: investigated that part of me which longs for praise. Breaking it down to replace it with presence, and acting out of what makes sense, and responding to acknowledgement appropriately. Felt like a weight got lifted off my shoulders and ended day with a wonderfully lighthearted talk with Alex. wrote for 14 minutes instead of 5 haha.
1. print tickets well ahead of time
2. know location
Freeman Dyson was fascinating, a man of such historical influence in roughly the last 100 years. Take away thoughts: WW2->Japanese didn't surrender because of bombs, but because of Russians. Human genome differs from all other animals mainly in two genes: one develops brain functions, other wrist and thumb. HAR-1, HAR-2 (Human Accelerated Region). Differ between space tech which collects data and that which sends humans into space (destiny).
-> Apply your strengths, enjoy life.
Talk with Jean after: investigated that part of me which longs for praise. Breaking it down to replace it with presence, and acting out of what makes sense, and responding to acknowledgement appropriately. Felt like a weight got lifted off my shoulders and ended day with a wonderfully lighthearted talk with Alex. wrote for 14 minutes instead of 5 haha.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Election Day and What Went Well (2)
What a frackin' day.
Today was Canada's 41st federal election, and also the first election in which I was able to vote. So I did. I swapped my vote with someone out east. I voted liberal here, and they voted green party there. It didn't work. We just discovered that there's going to be a Conservative majority. !()*&^@(*YKJHQWR(*YKJKFH(*Q
yeah... interestingly, the official opposition party will be the NDP, significantly beating the liberals.
It also seems that all 4 KW regions have elected conservatives into power. I'm trying to figure out how I want to respond to this news, while my initial reactions are anger and sadness.
Time to focus on What Went Well today.
It strikes me that the first thing that went well was the slow cooked porridge that I made this morning. I put in some apples and cooked it for about 15 minutes and it was soooo much better than the oats I have been eating. Part of this process was sitting and writing down my to do list for the day to get myself organized. In general, the process was satisfying and produced results.
The next big thing that went well was my visit with Simon when he showed up here at the house with Jean. First off, we listened to an Art of Manliness podcast. It felt a lot like what I imagine listening to old radio shows felt like and was a lot of fun. Sometimes I saw Simon smiling at the show. After that we went for a walk around Waterloo park and that was really great. We talked about how part of his mood may have to do with the winter weather, and how summer may improve his mood. We talked about our childhood and how it was hard growing up different from most kids that we were around, and how that must've been hard for our parents too. Also how much we appreciate the way that they did raise us, even if sometimes we resented them for it. We talked about the exciting possibility of us being able to raise children in a way that they're surrounded by others of similar mind and values and don't have that isolating experience. Then we walked balancing along the train tracks all the way home. I can feel how the dynamic is shifting between us in a way that I'm really excited about.
And of course, it is a rare Monday evening that I consider the House Reflection Circle to have not gone well. It went extremely well. With all of us, Jean Adam Tanya Emma Charlotte Todd and I, all there we moved into the living room for space and comfort. If I think about what went well about it, it's really that we are all so open and vulnerable with each other. It doesn't matter what's happening, we just sit through it together there. As usual, discussion led down a really interesting path about vulnerability and sacrifice and the art of hosting. I felt really open to the group and found myself really engaged with the discussion. Sometimes I take more of an outsider's perspective. After that Adam and I went down to Starbucks to grab some cookies.
So that's what went well number 2.
Today was Canada's 41st federal election, and also the first election in which I was able to vote. So I did. I swapped my vote with someone out east. I voted liberal here, and they voted green party there. It didn't work. We just discovered that there's going to be a Conservative majority. !()*&^@(*YKJHQWR(*YKJKFH(*Q
yeah... interestingly, the official opposition party will be the NDP, significantly beating the liberals.
It also seems that all 4 KW regions have elected conservatives into power. I'm trying to figure out how I want to respond to this news, while my initial reactions are anger and sadness.
Time to focus on What Went Well today.
It strikes me that the first thing that went well was the slow cooked porridge that I made this morning. I put in some apples and cooked it for about 15 minutes and it was soooo much better than the oats I have been eating. Part of this process was sitting and writing down my to do list for the day to get myself organized. In general, the process was satisfying and produced results.
The next big thing that went well was my visit with Simon when he showed up here at the house with Jean. First off, we listened to an Art of Manliness podcast. It felt a lot like what I imagine listening to old radio shows felt like and was a lot of fun. Sometimes I saw Simon smiling at the show. After that we went for a walk around Waterloo park and that was really great. We talked about how part of his mood may have to do with the winter weather, and how summer may improve his mood. We talked about our childhood and how it was hard growing up different from most kids that we were around, and how that must've been hard for our parents too. Also how much we appreciate the way that they did raise us, even if sometimes we resented them for it. We talked about the exciting possibility of us being able to raise children in a way that they're surrounded by others of similar mind and values and don't have that isolating experience. Then we walked balancing along the train tracks all the way home. I can feel how the dynamic is shifting between us in a way that I'm really excited about.
And of course, it is a rare Monday evening that I consider the House Reflection Circle to have not gone well. It went extremely well. With all of us, Jean Adam Tanya Emma Charlotte Todd and I, all there we moved into the living room for space and comfort. If I think about what went well about it, it's really that we are all so open and vulnerable with each other. It doesn't matter what's happening, we just sit through it together there. As usual, discussion led down a really interesting path about vulnerability and sacrifice and the art of hosting. I felt really open to the group and found myself really engaged with the discussion. Sometimes I take more of an outsider's perspective. After that Adam and I went down to Starbucks to grab some cookies.
So that's what went well number 2.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
What Went Well
This is an exercise called What Went Well that I read about in the book Flourish by Martin Seligman that involves just writing down three things that went really well today and reflecting on why they went well.
Okay I guess first off I'm going to reflect on my digital 'initiatives' such as enhancing my use of social media like twitter. On twitter today I made a list called changemakers that follows of those accounts on twitter that I think are part of the collaborative shift. Then I sent a link to the list to Venessa Miemis. @Webisteme started following me on twitter and I mentioned Michael Bauwens in a tweet and he responded to me personally. Exciting stuff. I'm really starting to be able to use twitter for useful purposes. Then I shared with Jean about how that list works and also how "the tweeted times" works.
I'm going to throw in one little extra one just because. I took a 2 hour nap this afternoon that did my brain a lot of good. Neuronapping I call it because it felt like I had to sleep in order to get all of these thoughts together and organized in my brain.
The Moving Feast was tonight and the whole thing went quite smoothly, starting with a great conversation with Tanya in the kitchen over supper and then walking down with her to The Button Factory and helping her set things up (so that I know how to do it next time). I even had sent her some songs earlier on in the day by leaving them in the Dropbox that she put in the playlist. It felt like my capacity for hosting and organizing was pretty high. I certainly felt response-able for the situation as it unfolded at the Moving Feast, there being a number of new faces there. Reaching out to Greg for a while, who had been spending his time just standing still, was actually quite fun and it seemed to get me into my body (the effort of holding someone else's experience). And so the dancing itself was lots of fun, but I think what really "went well" was my connection with Tanya this evening that started around five oclock, and only just ended now after seeing her briefly in the kitchen and conversing. I felt really connected to her after a dance that we shared at the Moving Feast and just in general the conversation that we had felt quite powerful.
Another thing that I felt went well today was calling Alex after I got back from the Moving Feast. Even though we just talked about what we had been up to, it was nice to do that because we are getting to know each other quite well. It feels important to stay connected to her, both because it's lots of fun and because I know that she really wants to maintain the connection. I almost didn't think to call her, and then it just struck me, and I called, and we had a lengthy conversation that was both fun, and sometimes deeper about the experience of being ditched by a friend, and it felt good to share that experience with her. I keep thinking about that night that I spent lying with her at Skaidra's. "Well whatever it is, we certainly have a strong connection."
It does feel good to have done this exercise. I'm left thinking about the positive outcomes of today, and I hope they stay with me till I'm asleep.
Okay I guess first off I'm going to reflect on my digital 'initiatives' such as enhancing my use of social media like twitter. On twitter today I made a list called changemakers that follows of those accounts on twitter that I think are part of the collaborative shift. Then I sent a link to the list to Venessa Miemis. @Webisteme started following me on twitter and I mentioned Michael Bauwens in a tweet and he responded to me personally. Exciting stuff. I'm really starting to be able to use twitter for useful purposes. Then I shared with Jean about how that list works and also how "the tweeted times" works.
I'm going to throw in one little extra one just because. I took a 2 hour nap this afternoon that did my brain a lot of good. Neuronapping I call it because it felt like I had to sleep in order to get all of these thoughts together and organized in my brain.
The Moving Feast was tonight and the whole thing went quite smoothly, starting with a great conversation with Tanya in the kitchen over supper and then walking down with her to The Button Factory and helping her set things up (so that I know how to do it next time). I even had sent her some songs earlier on in the day by leaving them in the Dropbox that she put in the playlist. It felt like my capacity for hosting and organizing was pretty high. I certainly felt response-able for the situation as it unfolded at the Moving Feast, there being a number of new faces there. Reaching out to Greg for a while, who had been spending his time just standing still, was actually quite fun and it seemed to get me into my body (the effort of holding someone else's experience). And so the dancing itself was lots of fun, but I think what really "went well" was my connection with Tanya this evening that started around five oclock, and only just ended now after seeing her briefly in the kitchen and conversing. I felt really connected to her after a dance that we shared at the Moving Feast and just in general the conversation that we had felt quite powerful.
Another thing that I felt went well today was calling Alex after I got back from the Moving Feast. Even though we just talked about what we had been up to, it was nice to do that because we are getting to know each other quite well. It feels important to stay connected to her, both because it's lots of fun and because I know that she really wants to maintain the connection. I almost didn't think to call her, and then it just struck me, and I called, and we had a lengthy conversation that was both fun, and sometimes deeper about the experience of being ditched by a friend, and it felt good to share that experience with her. I keep thinking about that night that I spent lying with her at Skaidra's. "Well whatever it is, we certainly have a strong connection."
It does feel good to have done this exercise. I'm left thinking about the positive outcomes of today, and I hope they stay with me till I'm asleep.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
All Kinds Of Learning
I think I'm just going to leave all of these notes as rough stuff that I took away from conversations on Friday.
-my media skills being put to use creating visuals and artifacts
-Connor as digital curator & artifact creator for Living Room Context
-resource sharing weekend
-what resource am I to the community?
-the ways in which creating this space for people can be dangerous if the contact doesn't continue. because we don't have the capacity for hosting everyone that may need it, we need the community to happen all at once, explosively fast
- the abstraction hierarchy: how the working class gets cheated of higher abstraction thinking, while those at the top of the hierarchies have huge leverage. Leverage for learning is higher, the higher up the abstraction hierarchy you go,
- behaviourally, we've still been stuck in the middle ages, using psychological swords and shields in replace of physical ones
-switching from "holding all people as threats and dangers, while acknowledging they could be worthy and welcome" to "holding all people as worthy and welcome, and acknowledging the threats and dangers people pose"
-something has to be in alignment energetically for attraction between people, content is secondary (contact is king Rushkoff), and we have some level of control over that energy through our intentionality.
-my media skills being put to use creating visuals and artifacts
-Connor as digital curator & artifact creator for Living Room Context
-resource sharing weekend
-what resource am I to the community?
-the ways in which creating this space for people can be dangerous if the contact doesn't continue. because we don't have the capacity for hosting everyone that may need it, we need the community to happen all at once, explosively fast
- the abstraction hierarchy: how the working class gets cheated of higher abstraction thinking, while those at the top of the hierarchies have huge leverage. Leverage for learning is higher, the higher up the abstraction hierarchy you go,
- behaviourally, we've still been stuck in the middle ages, using psychological swords and shields in replace of physical ones
-switching from "holding all people as threats and dangers, while acknowledging they could be worthy and welcome" to "holding all people as worthy and welcome, and acknowledging the threats and dangers people pose"
-something has to be in alignment energetically for attraction between people, content is secondary (contact is king Rushkoff), and we have some level of control over that energy through our intentionality.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Connection
I always find it hard to believe that it's the same day that's ending as the one that I woke up to.
There's a couple of things that I want to touch on tonight. In part because of how many different people I saw today and played how many different roles.
Important Notes From Today:
At one point today Jean motioned that we make the multi-purpose room available to Simon anytime that he needed it. Of course this felt like an overwhelming prospect given the feelings of responsibility I have when he's here in such a sad state. Not to mention just the prospect of sharing this home with him. These feelings I think are mainly territorial feelings left over from childhood. However, I see how it makes sense to make that space available and of course I am first and foremost concerned with the well being of my brother (in tandem with my own) so I want that space to be available to him.
On another note, Dad has been here the past couple days too and I have been trying to gauge his interaction here. What does it mean to him to be here? What does it mean to me? It was nice to see that Dad felt safe enough sometimes here to go into a vulnerable state of emotion, even if it was only ever so brief. I imagine that he must have a lot, but it's hard for me to touch into it with him. I think that he most often went into that place talking to Jean. For me, I realized as Dad was leaving today that I found his visit a bit challenging. Mainly because for the most part I sensed that he was here to see Simon and be with him. And that makes sense. I do feel though, that there is some part of me that is starving for attention from my parents, as much as I don't tend to reach out for that contact.
Regarding KISS and setting ourselves up for next year, Devin and I did some great brainstorming and planning today. Primarily, we set ourselves up on bettermeans.com to see if that will be a helpfull management tool for the exec. I'm really excited about modelling a flat governance system on this scale in KISS and knowing that Devin is stoked about that too will be a big part in making it happen. I'm still contemplating the question: How can I be a facilitator of communication, rather than a director.
~House Reflection Circle~
It was a very interesting night in the Household. With an initial group of Jean, Tanya, Emma, Todd, Adam, and I we listened to Jean talk for a while about Resilient Waterloo and how it connects to the Household. Once receiving some feedback about that Jean had to leave to complete more resilience work. I think we were all aware of the significance of Jean's non-presence, but throughout the opening round people just spoke to where they were at. The general trend being "at-capacity". Noticing the Household moving extraordinarily quickly and in a way that doesn't always reflect flow, or at least feel like that as a subjective experience (Adam's). Most importantly, we examined our relationships without Jean in the room. Somehow forcing us to connect more directly with the group. The conversation spiraled into meaning as we got talking about vulnerability and abandoning our tendencies to try and do things on our own. We increase the capacity of everyone when we're connected. Interesting how, while talking about that connection, our connection was actually growing. There's something about self-organization and self-governance that really stood out tonight. Without Jean there, at first I think we all felt ever so slightly lost. But it was so gratifying to find ourselves getting to the same kind of meaningful place (one that wouldn't have happened in Jean's presence). At one point in the meeting, I touched into emotion that reflected a deepening connection with Adam, one that arose out of a conversation + dancing that Adam and we had done the night before. When he finally got to respond, I sensed a few things in him reflecting on my sharing. I got the feeling that what I had said had shocked him and that the connection I felt was not necessarily the same one he felt because he has done a lot to tighten and close himself off from deep connection. Trying to make himself invulnerable. And while he recognized that this was sometimes useful and necessary, now is a time that he is willing and open to exploring deeper relationships with the Household. I felt affirmed about the ways in which opening ourselves up to others provides opportunities and excitement that wouldn't be there without. Adam commented on how he was genuinely smiling and finding humour in tonight's interactions in way that he hasn't in a few weeks.
In regards to process I had one thing come up tonight after I had shared with Adam. Todd began to speak and I immediately got very upset. Apparently Todd was aware and he asked about continuing, to which I agreed, and he decided to carry on with what he was saying. I don't think it's particularly important now, although it has left me with a bit of strange feeling toward him. I think I'll just hold onto that feeling and try to stay connected as a challenge to myself.
The other big thing for me was directed at me by Emma in the closing round. She spoke about my reaching out to engage with her and how she has been in a habit of turning that away. She spoke about how some part of her perceives that if I'm reaching out to her, it's because I need something from her. This makes a lot of sense to me, because last semester when I was dealing with Andrea, Emma was my real place of solace. She was my primary support. I have been trying to think back about my reaching out to her to figure out how accurate her perception is. I think that sometimes it's true that I reach out to her for support, and it's totally understandable that she wouldn't feel able to respond. Other times, and I think the majority now, I am not particularly needing anything, just desiring connection. It's incredible how her speaking about this to me took a lot of pressure out of my head that was starting to develop thoughts like "oh don't bother asking her, you won't get to engage." I'm excited about the possibilities that it opens up for us. A curious thing about tonight's meeting was how we discussed slowing down. I then proceeded to leave in somewhat of a rush and just disappear as soon as the meeting was over. This wasn't an optimal situation and I didn't really want to leave, but I did really want to see Geoff one more time before he left for Vietnam. It's just curious how we can talk about slowing down, but then go and do the opposite right after.
I am really quite fond of this Geoffrey chap though. He just seems to be an all around legitimate guy. I think somehow he played a significant role in this year for me. Anyways he got me to thinking back about this year and reminded me of the first evening that we ever hung out and how it was editing the KISS Intel with Steve Cuddler. I enjoyed how we didn't have to be all upbeat and ridiculous this evening at the Fox and Fiddle we just sat around and talked about the things we usually talk about. And that was just fine. I look forward to collaborating with Geoff on creative projects this summer and ongoing into the future.
Living Room Context:
There have been a number of things growing in my mind about how to move forward with the LRC. The first thing that I am wanting to do is host LRC Discussions on Wednesday night's here at the house. The second thing that I am wanting to do is plan a LRC non-intro Weekend with Tanya. Finally, I want to do some serious work on the LRC website, as well as send out the invite to the LRC Learning Community socialgo. I'd like to think about how these things could all together be sent out in one email to update all those introduced to the Living Room.
As for the Wednesday discussions. I'd like to make them available to anyone who's been introduced. Like to keep a really strong focus on the LRC, self-educating, and community support. Send out the email tomorrow regardless if the rest happens.
LRC Weekend ideas:
The LRC site and the LRCLC site are both semi Jean dependent for now.
Tomorrow: make the ChangingTheView2011 video.
There's a couple of things that I want to touch on tonight. In part because of how many different people I saw today and played how many different roles.
- Dad and Simon were both here.
- I worked on Heathercain.ca for a fair while.
- I met with Devin Howard about KISS. (He might be interested in an intro weekend)
- I developed the beginning of a plan for Wednesday night LRC meetings.
- I met the Household as we always do on Monday.
- I went out for a drink with Geoffrey at the Fox and Fiddle to say farewell.
Important Notes From Today:
At one point today Jean motioned that we make the multi-purpose room available to Simon anytime that he needed it. Of course this felt like an overwhelming prospect given the feelings of responsibility I have when he's here in such a sad state. Not to mention just the prospect of sharing this home with him. These feelings I think are mainly territorial feelings left over from childhood. However, I see how it makes sense to make that space available and of course I am first and foremost concerned with the well being of my brother (in tandem with my own) so I want that space to be available to him.
On another note, Dad has been here the past couple days too and I have been trying to gauge his interaction here. What does it mean to him to be here? What does it mean to me? It was nice to see that Dad felt safe enough sometimes here to go into a vulnerable state of emotion, even if it was only ever so brief. I imagine that he must have a lot, but it's hard for me to touch into it with him. I think that he most often went into that place talking to Jean. For me, I realized as Dad was leaving today that I found his visit a bit challenging. Mainly because for the most part I sensed that he was here to see Simon and be with him. And that makes sense. I do feel though, that there is some part of me that is starving for attention from my parents, as much as I don't tend to reach out for that contact.
Regarding KISS and setting ourselves up for next year, Devin and I did some great brainstorming and planning today. Primarily, we set ourselves up on bettermeans.com to see if that will be a helpfull management tool for the exec. I'm really excited about modelling a flat governance system on this scale in KISS and knowing that Devin is stoked about that too will be a big part in making it happen. I'm still contemplating the question: How can I be a facilitator of communication, rather than a director.
~House Reflection Circle~
It was a very interesting night in the Household. With an initial group of Jean, Tanya, Emma, Todd, Adam, and I we listened to Jean talk for a while about Resilient Waterloo and how it connects to the Household. Once receiving some feedback about that Jean had to leave to complete more resilience work. I think we were all aware of the significance of Jean's non-presence, but throughout the opening round people just spoke to where they were at. The general trend being "at-capacity". Noticing the Household moving extraordinarily quickly and in a way that doesn't always reflect flow, or at least feel like that as a subjective experience (Adam's). Most importantly, we examined our relationships without Jean in the room. Somehow forcing us to connect more directly with the group. The conversation spiraled into meaning as we got talking about vulnerability and abandoning our tendencies to try and do things on our own. We increase the capacity of everyone when we're connected. Interesting how, while talking about that connection, our connection was actually growing. There's something about self-organization and self-governance that really stood out tonight. Without Jean there, at first I think we all felt ever so slightly lost. But it was so gratifying to find ourselves getting to the same kind of meaningful place (one that wouldn't have happened in Jean's presence). At one point in the meeting, I touched into emotion that reflected a deepening connection with Adam, one that arose out of a conversation + dancing that Adam and we had done the night before. When he finally got to respond, I sensed a few things in him reflecting on my sharing. I got the feeling that what I had said had shocked him and that the connection I felt was not necessarily the same one he felt because he has done a lot to tighten and close himself off from deep connection. Trying to make himself invulnerable. And while he recognized that this was sometimes useful and necessary, now is a time that he is willing and open to exploring deeper relationships with the Household. I felt affirmed about the ways in which opening ourselves up to others provides opportunities and excitement that wouldn't be there without. Adam commented on how he was genuinely smiling and finding humour in tonight's interactions in way that he hasn't in a few weeks.
In regards to process I had one thing come up tonight after I had shared with Adam. Todd began to speak and I immediately got very upset. Apparently Todd was aware and he asked about continuing, to which I agreed, and he decided to carry on with what he was saying. I don't think it's particularly important now, although it has left me with a bit of strange feeling toward him. I think I'll just hold onto that feeling and try to stay connected as a challenge to myself.
The other big thing for me was directed at me by Emma in the closing round. She spoke about my reaching out to engage with her and how she has been in a habit of turning that away. She spoke about how some part of her perceives that if I'm reaching out to her, it's because I need something from her. This makes a lot of sense to me, because last semester when I was dealing with Andrea, Emma was my real place of solace. She was my primary support. I have been trying to think back about my reaching out to her to figure out how accurate her perception is. I think that sometimes it's true that I reach out to her for support, and it's totally understandable that she wouldn't feel able to respond. Other times, and I think the majority now, I am not particularly needing anything, just desiring connection. It's incredible how her speaking about this to me took a lot of pressure out of my head that was starting to develop thoughts like "oh don't bother asking her, you won't get to engage." I'm excited about the possibilities that it opens up for us. A curious thing about tonight's meeting was how we discussed slowing down. I then proceeded to leave in somewhat of a rush and just disappear as soon as the meeting was over. This wasn't an optimal situation and I didn't really want to leave, but I did really want to see Geoff one more time before he left for Vietnam. It's just curious how we can talk about slowing down, but then go and do the opposite right after.
I am really quite fond of this Geoffrey chap though. He just seems to be an all around legitimate guy. I think somehow he played a significant role in this year for me. Anyways he got me to thinking back about this year and reminded me of the first evening that we ever hung out and how it was editing the KISS Intel with Steve Cuddler. I enjoyed how we didn't have to be all upbeat and ridiculous this evening at the Fox and Fiddle we just sat around and talked about the things we usually talk about. And that was just fine. I look forward to collaborating with Geoff on creative projects this summer and ongoing into the future.
Living Room Context:
There have been a number of things growing in my mind about how to move forward with the LRC. The first thing that I am wanting to do is host LRC Discussions on Wednesday night's here at the house. The second thing that I am wanting to do is plan a LRC non-intro Weekend with Tanya. Finally, I want to do some serious work on the LRC website, as well as send out the invite to the LRC Learning Community socialgo. I'd like to think about how these things could all together be sent out in one email to update all those introduced to the Living Room.
As for the Wednesday discussions. I'd like to make them available to anyone who's been introduced. Like to keep a really strong focus on the LRC, self-educating, and community support. Send out the email tomorrow regardless if the rest happens.
LRC Weekend ideas:
- web design weekend
- connect with the garden weekend
- retreat to the farm weekend, barefoot running
- go without vision weekend
- art attack
- resource sharing & organizing weekend **
The LRC site and the LRCLC site are both semi Jean dependent for now.
Tomorrow: make the ChangingTheView2011 video.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
How To Say No
What do I write for myself?
Ok. So let's start off with something that I was practicing today. How to say No.
Earlier today, I received a text message from Alex asking me if I wanted to just sit together and read sometime later on in the day. At this point though it was 4 oclock and I was on my way to Kris' house to play games and eat with the good ol' Picnic Crew and at 7 oclock I was planning to go to the Moving Feast. So I knew right away that I was going to have to somehow decline, AND I wanted to do it in a way that shared with Alex how much her invitation meant to me, how much I would enjoy doing that at some point, and that not saying yes had nothing to do with whether I wanted to spend time with her or not. This is rather difficult via text message, but the message that I sent her ended up receiving a positive response. I see this as having been a useful encounter, such that I can take this away to the larger conversations that I desire to have with Alex.
I think that's all I can write tonight because my computer's going to die, but perhaps here I'll compile a short list of the things that I'd like to write about here on my blog.
My life in the Household As Ecology
My life in Knowledge Integration
My life in my family
Creating documents of my goals, plans, dreams, projects
I will save anything design related for the Indigo Design website and blog that I also have.
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