Thin Ice (or: On the Commons of Goodwill)

In relationships (any and all), I sometimes, perhaps often, have the experience of walking on thin ice: the knowledge of danger close at hand, looming beneath our feet. Regardless of just having used the words ‘our feet’ though, my experience is more often that I feel danger beneath MY feet. I’m stuck looking at the ground, paralyzed, and fearful. And as I get caught in the fear, I start to work myself up, now I’m panicing, and I start to generate heat. Now, oh god, the ice is getting thinner. And now I redirect my attention to my relation.

Aha! here is someone who can receive all my fear and anger. It was them who got us into this situation in the first place. Meanwhile, they’re scared too, and starting to send sparks my way. The more we heat up, the more danger we’re in, and we forget the key thing: that we’re in it together.


In this metaphor, the thickness of the ice is what we call in the Household As Ecology the Commons of Goodwill. When the ice is thick, we can feel safe together, and the situation is calm and cool, with lots of shared understanding and empathy. However, the danger of taking actions that thin the ice, or even, terrifyingly, break through it entirely, is ever present. Trust is also a word that comes to mind.

Paradoxically, the moment when we most need to feel ‘in it together’ is the moment when the ice is thinnest. Because the reality is, if the thin ice you stand on together breaks for one of you, you’ll both be plunging into that icy water.

And so here in the Household As Ecology we practice staying cool, collected, and maintaining connection and empathy, in moments where we feel on thin ice together. It’s in this way, that for the two years that I’ve been here, I’ve experienced almost solely the thickening of the commons of goodwill. As an ecosystem, it’s in this way that you generate resilience. Your relationships develop thick ice, where there’s the leeway to make mistakes.

The commons of goodwill, like any commons, flourishes when people give their attention and intention to its development. I believe that it is a key foundation for any living situation to thrive, and in the larger picture, will be required on a scaled-up basis, to keep humanity from the icy depths it rides so thinly above on the ice now.

And it doesn’t look good with this record heat.

Written by: Connor (cross-posted from a place that I'm excited to reveal soon!)