Am I living in peace, or am I living in fear? What's going on under the surface, every day when I do the things that I do everyday? Like sitting in a coffee shop. I may think that's where I am, but maybe I am actually teetering dangerously close to the edge of a cliff, the tread on my shoes barely gripping the loose rocks.
I think I am sitting in a coffee shop. But a message on my answering machine is a gust of wind that reveals my true location. The gust isn't even that strong, but I am so unsuspecting that it easily destabilizes my footing, yes, there they go from underneath me and all of a sudden I am falling, falling...
How is this happening to me? I was just sitting in a coffee shop. No. There are fears beneath the surface that place me on that cliff. My falling is my downward rush to the worst conclusions. The message says nothing definitive, but that makes it the perfect storm. It leaves my imagination tumbling, ricocheting, scraping over the first rocks before I glide swiftly off the very edge, into full free fall.
Between now and the moment where I will truly understand the phone call I will undergo a transformation, at least partial.
I believe every moment in free fall is an opportunity for transformation. My fears accelerate me toward the unforgiving ground; my stillness, my acceptance of what is, and my inner peace all work against gravity. A stabilizing force in my universe. Pull up, I hear myself saying, pull up.
I don't entirely manage to spread wings and avoid the final blow, but then, I didn't have to. Just under 1 hour later when I finally understood and was given full details, it was like the universe had a tremendous cushioning there anyway. All the danger that existed in the situation was in my mind.
So when it came to the first message on my answering machine, how could I have been standing in calm stillness in a vast, peaceful plain, solid ground as far as the eye can see in all directions? No wind would shake me then, no wind would endanger me. So where do I stand actually in my day to day life?
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